Vompatti, Russtifinko, and Turnip Head died and went to hell.
Upon arrival, they found themselves in a vast, fiery corridor. The devil led them down it and stopped in front of a door. It opened.
Within was a 3'5" woman with hairy feet, yellow teeth, a runny nose and a smoker's cough. Her hair was matted or missing altogether in some places. She weighed 200 lbs. The stench of stale alcohol came from her pores.
The devil announced, "Vompatti, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this!"
The remaining two followed the devil down the corridor. They stopped in front of another door. It opened.
Within was a 7" woman who weighed 85 lbs. She had no teeth and a large nose. She had garish, painted on eyebrows. She was missing two toes on her left foot. You could smell her body odor over the brimstone.
"Russtifinko, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this!"
After that, Turnip Head feared the worst. The devil led him to his door. It opened.
Within was Kate Upton, wearing a skimpy bikini and nothing else. Delighted, Turnip Head went in.